Bodies in Paradise Read online

  I reminded myself of the mental note I’d made long ago not to look below his chin. “Not to be rude, but I’m expecting a work crew or two to show up. I’ll be running off as soon as they arrive.”

  “I… uh… I’m not here to lay blame but to assure you that my sister will take responsibility for the minor accident.” Crum motioned over his shoulder. “Nix somehow got the impression that I owned the luxury auto.”

  I’d bet she got the idea because he told her that and struggled not to roll my eyes, since no one in their right mind would describe it as “luxury” anything. Maybe back in the day.

  “It’s possible that I bragged a time or two about the love rides, and so she jumped to the conclusion that I was the owner. Thinking the car was mine, Nix helped herself to the keys and took it for a spin. She only meant to take it around the block. Coming back, she got distracted, and the crash happened.”

  This day was giving me a headache. “Why not march your sister over here, hang her out to dry, and let her explain for herself? Then she can write a check for the damages, if she’s got the nickels… and in this case, a lot of them.”

  “I told her I would broker a deal that didn’t include getting hauled off to jail, since it was a misunderstanding and she didn’t mean any harm. I convinced her she wouldn’t like being arrested and said, if she didn’t want to take my word for it, I could hook her up with a couple of folks that have been and they can relate how a day behind bars goes down.” Crum shuddered.

  “If Nix doesn’t have the dough, then we could kick her to the curb, re-rent her cottage, and recoup some money that way,” Mac suggested. At my raised eyebrows, she added, “She’s prepaid.”

  “If the story is that it was all a misunderstanding, why run off?” I asked. “Unless she was drunk? Or has a warrant out from her previous place of residence?”

  “We’re Crums, not hoodlums.” He straightened his ramrod posture even more, if that was possible, and ran his fingers through his white hair, which stuck up on end, and today was no exception. He caught my glare and knew I wasn’t letting it go. “Nix’s baby jumped out of the car, and she had to chase it down. That’s not what I would call it, but then, it’s not mine.”

  “Are we talking about the goat?” I eyed the animal still in Mac’s custody, who’d laid his head on her knee and was chewing on the end of her leopard print tunic. He kept eyeing my legs, which unnerved me.

  Crum nodded reluctantly, unwilling to make eye contact.

  “In case you were unaware, we have a ‘no pets’ policy,” I reminded him. “No matter how exotic his heritage, he’s got to go. We’ll let your sister out of her reservation and refund her money, no problem.”

  “Hold your horses, girlie.” Crum chuckled to himself. “Give me a few to check around the neighborhood and see if anyone wants to pet-sit.”

  “That’s a great idea, except that it might be illegal. You should check with the county and see what the rules are regarding goats. Doing otherwise would invite the cops to show up and pound down your door. The most likely scenario is they’d arrive with animal control; then your sister would have to prove she had a code-approved place to house it to get it back.” Red flags were popping up, and what seemed like an easy solution could go south in a hot second and become my problem. Not happening.

  “What about those friends of yours that run the goat resort?” Fab asked, the picture of innocence.

  I wasted a glare on Fab, who had her head down—laughing, judging by the garbled noise she’d just made. “That could be an option. It’s a farm on the outskirts of town. Your sister could negotiate visits, so the two could spend time outside while the goat eats grass or whatever they do.”

  “We’re talking about a goat.” Crum snorted. At my So? expression, he added, “Just that it sounds fancy and spendy.”

  “What it is is an animal rescue, and for a generous donation, they can be very accommodating. Something to think about if you want to continue to hang out with your sister here at The Cottages. Goat-free.” Sanctuary Woods was an animal rescue that my friends and family supported. They’d also become family friends.

  “I’ve got their number.” Mac held up her phone.

  “The good thing is that they already have a goat, or something close,” Fab reminded me.

  “This one can have a playmate.” I pasted on a stiff smile. “Does Mr. Friendly here have a name?” Bored with Mac’s clothing, he’d turned his attention to her legs.

  “Goat.” Crum’s tone suggested that I was dumber than a stump.

  I glared until he looked away. “Great. Goat will have new friends to hang out with, lick on…” Whatever. “Another good reason for his not staying here: there are too many opportunities for trouble.”

  A flatbed rolled up and double parked, JS Auto Body painted on the side. The pickup behind it maneuvered into a tight parking space.

  I was tempted to make a run for it. I took a breath and turned to Crum. “So we’re in agreement. Nix is reimbursing me for all the damages, and if not her, then you. She’s also dealing with her goat issues. This deal has a twenty-four-hour expiration on it. Except for the goat, which needs to be gone in the next hour. If I have to follow up after that, I won’t involve the cops, but I will send a thug to beat the moly out of you and force your sister to watch.”

  Crum’s eyebrows shot up. “You need to calm down. I gave you my word.” He turned to Mac. “Get me the amount owed, and I’ll get you a check.” He stuck his hand out to me.

  “You know how I feel about hand-shaking. Ick. How about a knuckle bump in front of witnesses?” I extended my fist.

  Billy Keith rounded the front of the trucks, tucking his windblown, sun-bleached hair behind his ear, and I stood, hoping my sigh of relief at having the perfect excuse to run off wasn’t noticeable. I waved and hurried to meet the go-to guy that Spoon often sent when Fab or I had a problem. He skipped the excuses and always came through. Two good-sized men appeared next to him. The three trooped over to the Caddy and inspected the damage, then turned their attention to the tree.

  I walked over to them, Fab at my side. Mac stayed to deal with Crum and the goat. “You guys will be the center of attention in your tight jeans and t-shirts. Beware: you’ll have the women here drooling on you.” They laughed.

  “What happened?” Billy asked, a frown on his face.

  “Oh, let me.” Fab took center stage and sauced up the details as she told the events as we knew them. She had the men hanging on her every word and laughing. All three spotted the goat and shook their heads.

  “Do you know anyone beefy or scary who might want a part-time gig?” I asked Billy.

  “What are you up to now?” He stared at me suspiciously.

  “I object.” I laughed. “We used to have a guard, of sorts, but he met the love of his life and moved in with her up in the Panhandle. I’m thinking of maybe hiring another one to keep the guests in line.”

  “I’m not certain a guard could’ve prevented this from happening, since it wasn’t a stranger lurking around.” Billy’s smile was deceptive. He came off as a regular guy, but if you came looking for trouble, he’d finish it.

  “You’re right.” There would’ve been no preventing this from happening unless Mac or I had been standing by the car.

  “You don’t have to worry,” Billy reassured me. “The guys will get this cleaned up, and the Caddy hauled away. Before we get ready to leave, I’ll check with you and update you.”

  “I’ll be around. I’m going to check on a couple of tenants.”

  Billy nodded, and he and the other two turned their attention back to the car.

  “What happened to the neighbors hanging in the street?” I asked Fab.

  “Got bored with no cop action and went back inside where they have air conditioning.” Fab pointed me toward Miss January’s. The woman was tipped over the arm of her chair, passed out. “I’ll knock and tell that boyfriend of hers to get her out of the sun.”

  We walked ove
r to Miss January’s porch and were greeted by the sounds of her snoring. Neither of us wanted to wake her from her stupor. Fab jumped up the steps and beat on the door, which flew open. Whatever complaint sat on Captain’s lips as his enormous frame filled the doorway, he bit it back, staring at Fab and then over her head at me. Fab said something, keeping her voice low. He nodded and scooped Miss January into his arms, carrying her inside.

  “Does a grunt count as conversation?” Fab asked when she joined me and we cut diagonally across the driveway.

  “In Captain’s case, that would be a full sentence.” Based on past conversations, he’d shown himself to be a man of as few words as possible. “I need to make sure that Joseph is still breathing, and then I’ll be ready to get out of here.” Both he and Miss January were original tenants. According to their doctors, they were living on borrowed time, but they just chugged along, not caring what anyone said or thought about anything. “Come with me. You think he’s… tolerable. Although his girlfriend is our favorite.”

  “Whoa.” Mac ran up, the goat leading the way. “You two can’t skate out of here and leave me to deal with everything.”

  She meant the goat, and yes, I could. If I had to, I’d say it was in the manager’s handbook and hope she didn’t remember that we didn’t have one. “There’s the problem. You’ve shown yourself more than able to handle almost every situation. I don’t expect that to change. Quit again and see how that works out for you.” I turned to Fab. “If you don’t back me up here, you’ll be doing her job.”

  That made Mac laugh. Her attention turned to her ringing phone, which she whipped out of her pocket and hung back to answer.

  “This’ll be quick,” I promised Fab. “Don’t let me dally. It’s past noon, and I need a drink to improve my flagging personality.”

  “Being the great friend I am, let’s go to lunch. Tomorrow.”

  I groaned. “I don’t even want to know. I had a feeling you were holding back, and here it comes. Save it for later. I don’t think I can deal right now.” We reached Joseph’s door, and I unleashed my best cop knock to get the old veteran’s attention. No answer. “Joseph,” I yelled. Still nothing. “Guess he’s not home. I’m surprised Mac didn’t tell me.” I peeked in the window to make sure he wasn’t asleep in his chair. Nope.

  “Mac’s irritated with you.” Fab’s smirk told me there was more coming. “She had it all planned that if she couldn’t find alternate accommodations for the goat, you’d take it home. Mac doesn’t want to be bothered and expects you to step up.” Fab gloated at being able to impart that tidbit. “So you know what a great friend I am, I told her there was zero chance he was getting in the Hummer. If you were to take him home, she’d have to use her truck and deliver him to you.”

  Most people thought it was Fab’s car rather than mine. That’s because I hardly ever got to drive. It’d stopped bothering me when more than once she maneuvered us out of what could’ve been a terrible accident and we walked in one piece. On the goat issue, we were in agreement.

  “You’ll be happy that I didn’t share what I was thinking with Mac… that she was a complete hot mess, just like the rest of the people here.”

  I stepped off Joseph’s porch and scanned the driveway. As I was about to leave, a window across the driveway shot up. A woman stuck her head out and yelled, “Joey’s passed out by the pool. Says he hasn’t been drinking, but who believes that?” She slammed the window shut.

  I waited for the glass to crack and hit the ground and breathed a sigh when it didn’t. “Joey? With her snotty attitude, she sounds like a woman who didn’t get any. I hope he’s not hooking up with the guests and I’m the last to know.”

  “I’m fairly certain that he can’t… uh… and on the off-chance that I’m wrong, you should give him the talk.”

  I pretended I hadn’t heard a word of her suggestion. “That would mean he was cheating on Svetlana.” I grabbed her arm before she could get away and tugged her toward the pool.

  Joseph’s snoring greeted us as we rounded the corner. He was sacked out on a chaise tucked under the tiki bar, his rubber girlfriend asleep on his chest. The blond-haired, blue-eyed Svetlana, Svet to her friends, was one of my favorite tenants. She never got into any trouble.

  I crept through the gate, grabbed a beach towel, and covered him, warding off a scorching burn. I squashed his cigarette butts with my shoe, just in case, then scooped them up and tossed them in the trash. Just as quickly, I was back out the gate, which Fab held open.

  “What if he sleeps out here all night?” Fab asked.

  “Wouldn’t be the first time.” I eyed Mac coming our way. “I’m thinking if we go to the right, we can outrun her and get back to the car before her and her leashed friend.”

  Fab laughed, her amusement increasing at Mac’s militant scowl.

  Before Mac could grouch me out, I asked, “Would you keep an eye on Joseph and make sure he gets back to his cottage okay?”

  “Just one more problem on my endless list,” Mac snapped. “Nix called and informed me she has a migraine and needs to lie down. She graciously gave me permission to board the goat for a few days. But not before I had to listen to mumbling I could barely decipher—something along the lines of, ‘It’s all Crum’s fault.’”

  “I guess I won’t be meeting her today.” Yay! I didn’t have the energy for round two with a Crum. If she was anything like her brother, you had to be on your game or get mowed down. “Did you get in touch with Sanctuary Woods?”

  “Her words: ‘We have plenty of room, dearie, but you’ll have to deliver him.’ If you need me for anything, I’ll be escorting the goat to the resort. Unless you’ve got someone else that will do it.”

  I turned to Fab, gearing up to enjoy her explosion. “How about if we—”

  “No. Way,” Fab spit out.

  I struggled not to laugh, my face feeling the pinch.

  “Delegate,” Fab barked at Mac.

  Mac crossed her arms and glared.

  “Here’s some incentive. You take care of it so that none of us has to hear another baah—” Fab made the sound effect. “—and I’ll take you shoe shopping.’

  I winked at Mac and stared down at her multi-colored crocheted slip-ons with knitted balls for eyes. It surprised me that she’d swapped the bacon flops for them, but I didn’t question her choice.

  Mac eyed Fab’s designer leather slides. “Hmm… you know… our shoe fashion sense isn’t copasetic. It might take several trips before I found anything. I’ll take a favor instead.”

  “Done,” Fab snapped.

  On the way back to the car, I stopped to talk to Billy. The Caddy had been hooked up, and the other two men were ready to pull out.

  “I understand that you’re not interested in keeping the Caddy.” Billy waved as the tow truck started down the street. “I’ve got just the buyer, and he won’t drag his feet sealing the deal.”

  “You’re the best. Freebies galore at Jake’s—” The popular dive bar I owned in the middle of town. “—so take advantage.”

  “As for the tree, we were able to stabilize it so it won’t fall over. Spoon’s arborist friend is on the way. I’ll be surprised if the verdict isn’t replace.”

  I sighed. “Not what I wanted to hear, but the last thing I want is for it to fall on anything or anyone.”

  Chapter Five

  “I’m certain we could squeeze in lunch,” I said the second the car door shut. “I need a margarita to get through the rest of the day.”

  “No time today.” Fab’s attempt at a sympathetic look failed.

  She hit the gas as though today was the day I’d make good on my threat to jump from the car. I might have given it serious thought if we were on the main road and close to a restaurant. Since we were on one of the back streets, it would be a hike to the highway. She wound through the neighborhood and took a couple of shortcuts, passing a dog that barked furiously as we cruised past. She pressed a button on the visor, and the security gate op
ened as we arrived at one of the warehouses that Creole and I owned. We’d decided not to make any upgrades to the street side of the building, leaving it with an unassuming “nothing happening here” air. We’d bought three side-by-side properties, the other two now leased to a boat dealer. My first warehouse purchase, a little farther down the street, and the three floors of this building were also rented.

  Fab also owned two buildings of her own at the other end of the street. At my and Didier’s suggestion, she’d moved her office and mine to the top floor of this warehouse, which put us close to The Boardwalk offices and our husbands on the first floor. The second floor was leased to the ex-chief of police out of Miami, who’d opened his own security company upon retiring.

  Fab pulled around the back and parked. We couldn’t miss the black Escalade with tinted windows, signaling that Fab’s longstanding client, Gunz, was around somewhere. He hadn’t opted for the patio area, with its large table and numerous chairs, so one less place to look.

  “If your client picked the lock, I’m shooting him,” I said, getting out of the car. I knew full well he didn’t have a key, and if I had my way, he wouldn’t be getting one.

  Lark waved from where she stood under one of the glass roll-up garage doors that had replaced the old shuttered windows and opened up the interior of the previously drab space. She looked like a tropical flower, dressed in a flowing multi-colored sundress, her brown hair in a ponytail and sunlight bouncing off the stack of bracelets that lined her arm. She unleashed an ear-splitting whistle meant to get the attention of Arlo, her Golden Retriever. He barely slowed, on the hunt for something in the grass that ran along a strip of water at the back of the property. She followed it up with a longer, shriller version of the first whistle, and Arlo came running.

  “The guys wanted me to flag you down before you went upstairs,” Lark told us as she beckoned us inside, at the same time scratching Arlo’s head.

  We couldn’t miss Gunz’s massive bulk behind Lark’s desk, his feet up on the corner. The man had made himself at home. You’d almost think he worked here. The truth was, he was somewhat tolerated by the guys, after promising he wouldn’t knowingly send us on any jobs that would get us hurt or worse. From his smirk, I knew the guys, who were sitting at the conference table nearby, had already questioned him about whatever job he had for Fab, so there went that excuse for backing out.